The reasoning for the title of this entry is because someone is coming over to replace the filter on our RO system and the house is a wreck. You may think I'm being overly hard on myself, which is not healthy. Most people tell me I am, but seriously folks. My house is a wreck.
For your optical enjoyment, I included my son's cute little feet and my sister's cute doggy. I have also chosen to take the least incriminating pic I could. I didn't want to make you gag!
Well, there was a time this would have crippled me. I would have cried and abused my own mentality and emotions for allowing my house to get like this; complete chaos and panic!
I would not have canceled my appointment. I would have huffed and puffed while running around like a madwoman, foaming at the mouth and cursing every piece of 'whatever' that I picked up from the ground. Getting madder and madder at my sloppy family! And to those who interrupted me whilst in a rampage? God be with them.
Well, for years, people have been telling me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself because of how busy I am and I get that. But they just didn't understand what I mean! Everyone is busy and everyone's houses are spic and span but mine... total cognitive distortion!
A year ago, when my filter was about to be changed, I was in that mode of humiliation and feeling like I was the worst mother/wife in the world for letting my nest get so filthy when my 17yr old son asked a question as he noticed my despair. "Why?"
"Because my house is a mess and I can't have people knowing I let the cleaning slide!"
"Why?" He asked again.
My ingenious son had led me to the problem. I didn't want to say it, but I knew I needed to, "Because, I need to come across like I have it altogether."
Of course, he went on to be his usual blunt self, "Who cares what this guy thinks? Who cares what anyone thinks?"
Truth is, I don't know why I care so much about folks thinking I have all my ducks in a row. I honestly think it is our American culture! We all try to come off perfect and when our insides don't match other people's outsides we feel like failures; humiliated! Then we over compensate for that by acting like we know it all and have it all under control.
I have learned that there are three basic stages to my ego: humiliation, self righteousness, and humility. Humble, is where I want to be, but I'm usually humiliated or self righteous; opposing sides of the spectrum, of course!
Anyway, I'm going to let my house stay like this and go for a walk because my health is more important than housework. If the water guy wants to judge me based on my filthy house, then that is his issue! Not mine. Anyway, we probably won't even give a crap! ;-)
Listening to Classical Radio on Pandora
The Well-tempered Clavier (24), Collection Of Preludes & Fugues, Book I, Bwv 846-869 (Bc L80-103): I. Prelude
The Well-tempered Clavier (24), Collection Of Preludes & Fugues, Book I, Bwv 846-869 (Bc L80-103): I. Prelude
by Johann Sebastian Bach
on A Piano in the House: Music for Hearth and Home
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