I have been looking forward to blogging about yesterday. Yesterday was a roller coaster of events and emotions. Everything from my teenage child (sorry, I mean "Grown-ass man," as he refers to himself) getting in big trouble at school; something about bringing alcohol and his vape to school and sharing it with other students (boo!) to selling my house (yay!).
Well, ladies and gentlemen, how did my health fair, yesterday? Did I treat my body, mind, and spirit with respect?
I hear so often from my church family, DNA family, sponsor (yes, I'm a recovering alcy-holic), and sometimes people I've just met that I need to take care of myself. When my sponsor asks, she'll say, "You have all these things going on. Have you been taking care of yourself?" I tell her, "Yes," because my interpretation of taking care of myself is whether or not I let myself unwind after a hard day and watch tv and eat myself into oblivion (because it's 'safer' than drinking alcohol!) before I go to sleep; me time.
Man, oh man. I can't believe I have it in my head that wrecking my mind and body with abusing food and tv time is taking care of myself! I thought, at one time, that drinking was a way to take care of myself. It took away the pain in my life, but it also took away my 'me'. I've recently discovered that my brain has a crazy idea that in order for me to be safe, secure, and happy I need to overindulge in legal addictive stimulants/depressants.
However, I'm not the only one! Our American culture thrives on the idea that we need to indulge ourselves with pleasures to get through the day, week, or whatever. It is so generally accepted that it's gotten to a point where some (not all) overweight people tell us they would rather die early 'fat and happy' than live a long life of 'misery' not being able to eat anything good. Oh, if I had a nickle for every time I heard that!
As an overweight person, I can tell you that overweight people are not truly happy. Obviously I can't speak for every overweight person, but I'm willing to stake my eyesight to be so bold as to say that most aren't. Let me tell you something. My overweightness is relatively new and I know that if I get any bigger I will not be able to wipe my own butt! I can barely reach as it is and if I'm having a bad back day, I have to throw my arm around and grasp my butt cheek so I can hold my tp in my fingertips to get far enough to wipe. I am 80lbs overweight and I know there are people bigger than me... What do they do? Take a shower after they poo? Put toilet paper on a stick of some sort? That is where I am headed! This does not sound like it would make people happy. Let's be honest! I grew up skinny (and UNHAPPY!!) and never knew the problems overweight people had to face! I will never be convinced that overweight people truly are happy. Never. Forget not being able to wipe our butts in a traditional manner. Just the aches and pains are enough to realize the unhappiness of being overweight!
Sure, we smile and laugh socially and want to hide our real problems by stating the above but I know that not only overweight people are miserable, but so are alcoholics, drug addicts, bulimics, and so on. Our culture has gotten to a point where we have no idea what we want! It has become so hard to face ourselves and be honest about why we self sabotage.
I understand the concept that we need to be content with who we are, no matter what size we are. But it's time to recognize why we need to do that! Because, if we can learn to be content with ourselves and our situations and our feelings (yuck! feelings!) then, naturally, we will become more in love with ourselves and start doing things that really do help us! That looks different for everyone but for my 'me' helping myself, truly helping myself, looks like this: I would be able to get through things like worrying about my teenage son without the need to eat things that are killing me, gulping caffeine in it's strongest forms, and looking forward to it being nighttime (me time!) so I can eat sweets and watch Star Trek: Voyager... or Parenthood, or Cheers, Malcolm in the Middle, or OITNB, or Intervention, or SVU, or Columbo, or, or, or.... I have myself in a viscous, insane, cycle! I would meditate and try to surrender my issues to my Precious Savior, I would walk, I would do Yoga, I would have a mostly raw, plant based diet, I would be patient with myself, I would be honest about my issues, I would respect my body! That's what my healthy 'me' looks like.
So, after saying all of that, what did I do yesterday when my feelings as a worried mother took over? I tried to control my feelings in the situation by getting a double meat original chicken sandwich at Burger King. Why? Because, dammit, I deserve that pleasure! Then what? I went to 7-11 and got myself a Rock Star because I knew that sandwich was going to make me really tired and I still needed to work my other job.
After work, I dropped my son off at his place of employment then went to Walmart because I needed something that would help! Keep in mind that this entire time I knew that I was doing almost nothing to actually take care of myself. I was on a quest to feel better because, of course, the sandwich didn't solve the issue. Wanna know something cray-cray? I knew it wouldn't. Yet there I was, knowingly doing things that would only hurt my 'me'!
I figured that I would pick up some things from Walmart like maybe some candy, gluten free cookies, and... wait a minute! There is a McDonald's in the store! I will sneak a couple of McDoubles to make this pain go away.
As I processed into the store, grabbed my cart, and started walking, I managed to walk past the cookies, the candy, McDonalds and went for the nuts, cashew milk, essential oil for my oil diffuser, and a few cleaning supplies.
It was late so I was well on my way to justifying my trip to McDonald's. We needed to eat and I didn't want to cook! After I checked out, I made my way in that direction. While I was moving toward the restaurant of death, I started to think about the nastiness of the food in that addictive place. Did I really want my kids to eat that shizz? Did I really want to eat it? Yes. I did, but I did not want to give it to my kids. It is low quality food where all I would do is make us sicker and McDonald's richer.
A miracle then occurred: I walked straight past that nasty place! It was so hard but I just kept on walking. I thought to myself that I could make a wonderful cereal with the nuts I bought. In the end, I didn't make my cereal. I made rice and fish, instead. The kids and I averted the dangers of fast food for one evening. Oh, Lord! If only I could do that every time!
So the answer to the original question, "Did I treat my body, mind, and spirit with respect?" Yes. And this is how: Although I made a mistake and ate at Burger King, I was able to forgive myself (imagine that!) and realize that I did not ruin any chance for health that day.
To forgive myself is to treat my 'me' with respect, patience, and love. I gave my body not the healthiest of foods last night, rather I respected myself enough to eat something that would at least partially give my body nutrients whereas McDonald's would not have. Well, I suppose McDonald's provides us with B12 and protein but those are probably the only nutrients I would have gotten and I had plenty of that earlier at BK! Also, I'm pretty sure there is B12 in the fish I ate.
Were my choices constantly physically healthy yesterday? Nope! However, I did take care of myself. Even if it was just a little, it was unusual for me! Progress. Not perfection, right? There's more to health than physical. Yesterday, I was mentally and spiritually improving.
I don't know what today has in store for me but I do know that I am starting today alright. I'm drinking coffee at the moment, but I have Eucalyptus in my oil diffuser, am blogging, and I love myself at the moment. Let's hope I can go through the day like this!
Lord, thank you for our bodies. How amazing they are! Thanks for creating them in such a way that they can heal if treated with respect. Thank you for the time you've given me to realize the things I am realizing. In Christ. Amen.
As I close this blog:
Listening to "Carole King Radio" on Pandora
"Leaving On a Jet Plane" by Peter, Paul, and Mary
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